It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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