he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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