YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
