he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
