that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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