i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
