i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
