I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
