Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
