You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
