my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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