You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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