Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
