You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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