so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
