he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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