I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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