As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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