My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize