In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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