Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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