There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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