Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
