He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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