my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
