College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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