she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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