Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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