I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We're using joints as your birthday candles
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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