FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
