Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
