I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
