Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
