ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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