I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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