I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
