Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sext me about skeletons
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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