i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
