Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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