if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
