So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
