Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
