Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
