Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize