We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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