Apparently you make a good broom.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
