it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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