I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
