like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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