Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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