life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
