I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize