You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
