Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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