Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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