why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
