Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize