chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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