True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
