My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
