u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
