I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
