Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
