So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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