At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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