Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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