theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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