what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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