a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i dont even know how to be here
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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