the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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