The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
