It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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