I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize