I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
