She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
