we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
