You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
