I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize