East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
