Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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