how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
