White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
