You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
