Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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