So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
