guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
